what if your url somehow had something to do with your future
its very possible
I am immortal!
that could be horrible
My faith in pizza guys has gone up 123%
NO LET ME TELL YOU A STORY
So a few weeks ago I was in a hotel in Savannah with my grampa in the hospital next door, Mom was over staying with him, and the battery in the smoke detector went out so every 5 minutes it would let off this loud, high pitched ‘CHIRP’.
It was annoying as fuck, so I called the front desk to see if they had a battery for it, and they said the only thing they could do was change rooms. We’d already settled in for the night, and needed the next door rooms for my uncles the next day, so I said I’d deal. My uncles had my car in the next town over, so I couldn’t drive and get one myself.
An hour later, I’m ordering pizza and have gone insane because the damn thing CHIRPS. SO. MUCH.
So I begged the pizza guy on the phone to stop and get me a battery, told him I’d pay for the battery, and give him an extra tip for it, and he was chill with it. This adorable fucker gets to my room with the battery, opens it, asks to see the smoke detector, CLIMBS ON THE BED, CHANGES THE BATTERY FOR ME, and tests it.
My pizza was only 20 dollars, but I gave him 40 and told him to keep the change.
I wish lesbians were as easy to find in real life as they are on tumblr
Favorite moments of Ellen hosting the 86th Annual Academy Awards
The fact that wizard law enforcement found a dude’s finger and immediately closed the investigation, declared him dead, and concluded that the only possible explanation for why they only found a finger was that he was killed so hard that the rest of him was obliterated kind of speaks volumes about why nobody followed up when the genocidal serial killer just vanished.
The Ministry of Magic is fucking useless.
- 1.Kissed a girl?
- 2.Kissed a boy?
- 3.Had sex in public?
- 4.What’s your religion?
- 5.What does your URL mean?
- 6.Reason you joined tumblr?
- 7.Do you have any nicknames?
- 8.Do you like bubble bath?
- 9.Kissed in the rain?
- 10.Dyed your hair?
- 11.Soup or salad?
- 12.Vegetable or meat?
- 13.Go out drinking?
- 14.Smoke cigarettes?
- 15.Smoke weed?
- 16.Do any hard drugs?
- 17.Have you had sex today?
- 18.Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?
- 19.The relationship between you and the person you last texted?
- 20.Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?
- 21.Skipped doing homework to play a video game?
- 22.Tried to commit suicide?
- 23.The last time you felt broken?
- 24.Had to lie to EVERYONE about how you felt?
- 25.Do you have a Boyfriend/Girlfriend?
- 26.Do you have Long hair OR short hair?
- 27.First thing you notice to a guy/girl?
- 28.Do you sing in the shower?
- 29.Do you dance in the car?
- 30.Where were you yesterday?
- 31.Ever used a bow and arrow?
- 32.Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?
- 33.Do you think musicals are cheesy?
- 34.Is Christmas stressful?
- 35.Favorite type of fruit pie?
- 36.Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
- 37.Do you believe in ghosts?
- 38.Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
- 39.Take a vitamin daily?
- 40.Wear slippers?
- 41.Wear a bath robe?
- 42.What do you wear to bed?
- 43.Do you want to get married?
- 44.Can you curl your tongue?
- Relationship preference:
- 45.How many relationships have you had?
- 46.How can I win your heart?
- 47.what makes a great relationship?
- 48.Shy OR open?
- 50.Religious OR non-religious?
- 51.Caring OR non-restricting of you?
- 52.Straight edge OR non-straight edge?
- 53.Piercings OR no piercings?
- 54.Tattoos OR no tattoos?
- 55.Quiet stay-at-home type OR party type?
YO DJ MUMFORD DROP THE BANJO
I love seeing medical articles with photographs depicting period cramps like this
when it actually feels more like
ELLEN HAS LITERALLY TAKEN OVER THE INTERNET
can ellen host my life
Greatest Selfie of all time.
THIS IS DEFINITELY THE HIGHLIGHT OF THE EVENING